Broken Britain?

Welcome to Britain

I got “started on” today! I don’t think I have even used that expression since school some 17 years ago. It was all very unexciting really – I was cycling into the park to meet my wife in what would generally be classed as a “pretty posh” area of London and a group of 3 “youths” blocked my path in order to cause some sweary low-level trouble. It passed without event and in the grand scheme of things it was nothing major at all, but it was still enough to make me not particularly want to stay in the park, or even go there again really.

I am so pleased I am moving to Portugal in under four months. I have always been pretty patriotic, but it’s time to speak from the heart. This place sucks nowadays. The Friday before last, I had to snatch my wifes bag back from a bag-snatcher outside our very friendly London local – and living in London has made me so desensitized to this kind of low-level crap that I only just remembered about it and hadn’t thought to mention it to my family.

So as not to risk turning this post into an unfocussed political rant. Here are five things that are shit about London and the UK.

1. If you break a traffic or parking regulation in London you will be pounced on and fined immediately, be it by a well-paid, target-driven council worker or an expensive, tax-payer funded CCTV computer system. If however, you prefer higher level crime, you can go for shop-lifiting or burglary with complete impunity because there isn’t enough money to get cops to investigate that.

2. If you don’t fancy working and you prefer to drink or smoke weed all day and have fun by causing trouble in public parks – don’t worry YOU CAN. We have a welfare system that needs completely overhauling so that people cannot make a career out of laziness and stupidity. The Kaiser Chiefs should never have been allowed to release that song that says “It’s cool to know nothing.” For many I fear the irony was lost and it was adopted as a mantra!

3. Still on the subject of public parks. If you get some rare English sunshine and you fancy buying one of those disposable BBQs and having a couple of burgers in the park – YOU CAN’T. There is nowhere within the M25 where it is allowed. “Feral Youths – roam all you want! – Eco-friendly middle classes who fancy a quiet organic burger before clearing away and recycling all your litter – you are not welcome here!” Bloody ridiculous. Did everyone start out stupid or are they reacting to being treated AS IF they are stupid?

4. APATHY. Hold on, weren’t the majority of our politicians caught COMPLETELY RIPPING US ALL OFF a little while ago? Why did no-one DO anything? Well a few people texted a few jokes about it to each other, maybe a spot of light whinging around the watercooler. But then the Champions League final came along….now there’s some common ground we can ALL talk about! Pathetic. Everyone seems to have been so numbed by sport and celebrity culture that they don’t care what is important. Every person in this country who starts reading the paper from the back should be ashamed of themselves.

5. VANITY. A culture where physical beauty and/or sporting prowess are more revered and rewarded than genuine good is rotten to the core. Perhaps this culture is affecting the whole western world, but Britain is doing it’s best to lead the charge of the superficial. I thought all the Susan Boyle business may have been a turning point but it appears to have just been a temporary blip in the collective conscience, and the tabloids soon manged to put a stop to that. “SuBo” anyone? It makes me want to break stuff.

Sod it, it was a political rant, but I feel a lot better now. I just think it’s a damn shame that somewhere I have tried so much to love has been so spoiled. I am also pretty sure that it is going to get a lot worse and that we won’t be the last skilled, hard-working couple to get away and prevent our children having to grow up amongst the scumbags.

Finally…..a good Summer!

England's green and pleasant land

I have been a bit slack of late when it comes to keeping this blog up to date. Those reading from England will know that the weather here has been really rather special the last couple of weeks, and after three back-to-back bad summers before now it is about time!

So, blogging has taken a low priority, below barbeques, pimms, cider and getting in far too late every evening. England is a contrary so-and-so – spending years winding you up with shocking weather and grumpy people  - pushing you right to the point where you arrange to leave and go to Portugal, then at the eleventh hour becoming a lovely sunny place where strangers smile! Still, there’s no way it will be permanent and the fact the good weather has had such a positive impact on my state of mind affirms our decision to move to where the sunshine is.

Now, after a month of sunshine, we find ourselves with only FOUR months to go until move day which is pretty daunting, but having said that, we do seem to be making progress – our work situations are getting to the point of being finalised and there are finally spaces appearing on shelves where our Ebay and car-boot efforts are starting to make visible progress. The build up of savings is starting to slow down at times – it seems a lot easier to build funds up when there aren’t so many opportunities for al-fresco dining in London!

The next thing we have to do is book some flights over to Portugal to arrange our fiscal numbers and then the next milestone is being able to “go public” with our news to my clients. I have been itching to do for several months but business reasons have prevented me from doing so. I am a very direct and honest kind of person and dislike feeling duplicitous, so I am really looking forward to everyone knowing, even if it does mean telling the same story to dozens of people. Perhaps I should just print the blog URL on some cards and hand them out?

People spotting at the office party

“Yes, they’re stereotypes, there must be more to life?” Stereotypes, Blur.

As a self-employed person, I am fortunate to be able to work just from home and my client’s offices. To start with I really missed having “workmates,” and felt myself going slightly strange and socially inept as a result. Five years on, and I have adjusted to my own company and really love being home-based.

Today, my wife was working from home as well, and the sun made a surprise visit, so after work we decided to go to a local pub garden for a drink. It is usually fairly quiet but when we got there the garden was mobbed with a couple of work leaving parties. After a few minutes, my wife said “isn’t this horrendous?” She was reading my mind. Is it just me or are all these occasions exactly the same? You can instantly identify the factions: from the people who look so uncomfortable it appears they haven’t set foot in a pub for several years (yet at the same time look like the kind who will later sink a couple of bottles of wine with the curtains closed,) to the well turned out middle-aged secretary nursing her half pint of lemonade and not managing to even disguise the fact she is waiting until it is socially acceptable to go back to her house in deepest Surrey and water her garden.

The only thing any of these people appeared to have in common, other than their place of work, was the fact they were all willing to dish out small-talk and wear a false “well isn’t this NICE?” expression. The only group that seemed to be even slightly enjoying themselves were the few lads in their early twenties, sure to be the last to leave and waiting for the oldies to go, probably so they could drop all the pretence  and chat about the clubs, drugs and ladies they planned to enjoy at the weekend!

We found the whole thing rather depressing. Is it just a British thing that everyone seems to have a real persona and a work version? Will it be the same when we get to Portugal? I’ve not realised it before, but being self-employed has allowed me to be myself a lot more – if clients don’t want to work with me they don’t have to – and I get to wear shorts when it’s hot

I genuinely hope that all of the people we saw tonight at their office party have more exciting and fulfilling lives than it appears to someone sitting at the next table in the pub garden – whether that fulfillment comes from stamp collecting or wife swapping makes no odds to me! Furthermore, I hope I will always be self-employed, but if one day I do end up “working for the man” again, I hope that when someone says “are you coming to the pub?” I have the integrity to say “no, I have plans tonight!”

As a somewhat contradictory footnote I should mention I have made some fantastic and lasting friendships with people from work in the past, but I don’t think it’s too much of a generalisation to say the percentage of those who sign your leaving card who become lasting friends is still pretty low!

Worries and Jitters

 

London Town

It was one of those rare, perfect weekends in Old London Town. With 25 deg C and solid sun in an idyllic park in Wimbledon, I think at one point I actually said the words, “if it was always like this I wouldn’t need to move.” Obviously it was only temporary, a couple of tube journeys since soon put paid to that nonsense (does it never occur to anyone that if you don’t stand aside to let people off the train you’re not going to have room to get on yourself?)

 

Back to the point. As moving time gets closer, my contrary mind does kick in at certain points, doing things like making me suddenly appeciate things about the UK that I have taken for granted for years. These thoughts are shortlived, but it made me think that perhaps I should document the “I wonder if…” questions that come up and then revisit them after 6 months or so in Portugal to see how it turns out. So this is what I am doing. I will come back to this after that time and give an honest assesment. I would also be very interested if anyone who has already made the move would like to tell me what they think the answers will be! 

 

1. I wonder if I’ll miss everyone too much? – with Facebook, Skype, MSN and email, coupled with the fact that our spare rooms appear to be booked by friends and family for most of the first 10 weeks, I think probably not!

2. I wonder is I will miss the changing weather in England? - an odd one this, but it hit me yesterday. One of the main reasons for moving to Portugal is for the weather but will I come to take the sunshine for granted?

3. I wonder if the locals will accept us? Almost everyone we have met around Portugal has been great and WE are nice people and very respectful of the culture……but what if we are the second English couple to move into our street and the first were your typical “expats from hell.” 

4. I wonder if I will I actually get bored of fresh fish and healthy living? Too tough to call I think!

5. I wonder how much I will miss London? Note that I said “how much” and not “if.” I know I will miss the place. Anyone who has ever lived here for a long time knows that they will always have a strange love/hate relationship with London. I am really curious HOW much I will miss it though. By way of a prediction for when I revisit these questions I think I will probably have odd pangs that will be it.  

6. I wonder if it will all be as wonderful as we hope? Well I have researched to a massive degree and think I am prepared for the things that aren’t going to be great, but who can really say. All I can say is it’s going to be a grand adventure and I can’t wait to report back and answer these questions.

In conclusion for now, jitters is probably too strong a word really – as we certainly don’t have any actual doubts, it’s just odd how these insecurities kick in as it gets nearer. I have no doubt that it is time to leave the UK and I am CERTAINLY ready to be away from London now. When I ranted to my wife the other day about the people not standing clear of the tube doors she said, “well it’s London isn’t it, they don’t care that you want to get off the train as it’s not their problem. THEIR problem is thet they want to get on.” If people in Portugal, us included, have just enough extra time in their lives to be more considerate and less jaded than the average Londoner, and the sun gets it’s hat on then I think we are going to be just fine.

 

Lisboa

A bad day in London

Today so far has been one of those days in London when I just cannot wait to leave. 3 specific things, all occurred before noon:

1. Walking past a shop to hear some charming teenager saying to the shop-keeper  ”just don’t even talk to me blud, I’ll have to punch you innit?” Nice. How can people even have the energy to be so aggressive at 10am?

2. Being served in Starbucks by someone who managed to conduct the transaction without a please, thank you or hello and without really even aknowledging my prescence. So normal these days sadly. Rude cow.

3. The annoying woman opposite me in said Starbucks who has spent the last 30minutes either SHOUTING into her mobile phone or wetly sneezing into her pashmina. So nice.

Still, the new crepes they do are rather nice – small mercies and all that. Looking forward to getting to Portugal though where I can get a proper Uma Bica rather than a weak generic espesso, still it gives me an excuse to drink very fattening milk and chocolate based drinks. Hurrah!

 

Chocolate cream frappucino, no whipped cream

My first ever post!

 

Hello world! 

 

My blogging hobby starts here. My wife and I are six months away from swapping our hectic London life for a new one in Portugal and here I hope to keep a record of everything as it happens.

At worst, I hope to be able to refer back in years to come and have a record of the most daring thing I think I have undertaken. At best I may manage to provide some entertainment and information to some fellow internet folk along the way. Maybe we will even end up with a record to show the children we hope to start having in a couple of years how clever mummy and daddy were to make sure they were born in sunny Portugal and not rainy South London. You never know!

Before I start I must admit to my blogging being inspired by a couple of other people – The Anchored Nomad http://anchorednomad.blogspot.com/ whose Blog makes me laugh every time I read it whilst preparing me for some of the quirks of Portugese life, and Ellie Bowdery’s wonderful Algarve Shorts book which I believe also started out as a blog. http://www.goldstarbooks.co.uk/ellie_Bowdery.htm

So an early thank you to both of these people for cheering up my remaining days in London – a place I will always love, but one I sadly don’t like all that much any more.

I have to go and prepare dinner for the wife now, I’d better make sure she doesn’t become a “Blogging-widow” during typing my first post! I tend to talk a lot, and I think my next post will be a long one, as I think I need to give a bit of background on how we came to make the decision to “make the move.”

 

Until then….